TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
