I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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