the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
