Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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