I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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