we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
