guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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