Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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