I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
