you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
