Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
