don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
