I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
