Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
