currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize