Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
