We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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