Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
