He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
