can u get pink eye on your cock?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
