Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
please come you make the beer taste better
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
