I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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