I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
