1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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