I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
