i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize