Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
