On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
