eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
