Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We need to get me chipped asap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
