this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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