I puked a lego.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
