my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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