i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize