drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
