You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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