God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
