Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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