yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
