if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
