I feel great
I just peed on a car
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
