I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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