You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
