we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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