You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
