i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
