Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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