she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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