we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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