He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
