I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
