Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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