theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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