It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
