I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hippo gnu deer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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