My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
