News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Everyone says I win the strip club
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
