if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize