Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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