I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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