I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
