I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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