You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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