12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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