who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
