guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize