I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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