Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
