I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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