She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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