Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
