I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
whose parrot is this?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
