I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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