you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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